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Breast Cancer Scare

When I told you my word of the year was going to be Trust, little did I know that God was going to make sure I got that lesson whether I liked it or not!

After my panic attack in March and then my battle with anxiety the whole month of April, I was starting to feel like I was being attacked.  In fact I have no doubt that Satan was having a field day with my thoughts.  

At some point, I decided enough was enough.  I dove into Beth Moore’s Bible Study: Breaking Free.  I had to do something to break these negative thoughts.    I picked up Joel Osteen’s book: Your Best Life Now at a garage sale (I highly recommend this book for everyone!).  I listened to worship music whenever I could and just made sure I was walking with God whenever I had the chance, but especially when I felt like I was being attacked, which was often.

Little by little, I started to heal.  I got off my anxiety medicine, started exercising, and began eating clean.  I was actually feeling good… until…

…BAM!  

About three weeks ago, I noticed a lump in my right breast.

I tried hard to forget about it.  Surely it will just go away.

I read about it on the internet.  (Don’t do this.  You’ll be certain you have cancer when you are done!)

I even made an Obgyn appointment… for June 24th.  (I just told them it was time for my yearly.  Surely the lump would be gone by then.  Surely.)

Besides my husband, I only told my mom about it…. when I ran into her at the grocery store. (Sorry Dad, I know I freaked you out.)

I didn’t feel like doing anything blog related because I just couldn’t think about anything else.  Meanwhile, my blogging friends were posting all kinds of wonderful things, and all I could think about was what if I had cancer?

We did several things in those three weeks, but I didn’t really feel like I was there.  I felt like I was in a fog.  

I looked at everything differently.

Satan was back in my head and was stronger than ever.

I would pray and hear… everything is fine.  You are fine.  

Then, a few seconds later, and even louder, I would hear… everything is not OK.  You have cancer.

Several times in my reading, I would read about how what you hear should align with God’s word.  If it doesn’t, or if it gives you fear or anxiety then it is not from God.  I knew I was in a battle for my mind yet again, and that I truly needed to TRUST God with whatever his will was for my life.  I needed to TRUST his word.

After three weeks, my husband couldn’t take it anymore.  On Monday evening, he said that if I didn’t call the doctor the next day then he would do it.

So, I made the call.  Of course since I was going to be coming in for the lump, they suggested I should just get my yearly done as well, and they could see me the next day at 11:15. 

Enter in… MAJOR ANXIETY!

I told my best friends/prayer warriors what was going on.  Of course they freaked, but I knew they would pray for me.  It is amazing the sense of peace you feel when your friends are praying for you.  

I tossed and turned most of the night, and was sure that I was going to puke the morning of my appointment.

At 11:10 we entered into the Obgyn’s office.  By 11:40 the doctor came in.  We talked.  She examined.  Sure enough, she felt it, but not just one lump, but a few that had her concerned.  She gave me paperwork to take to the mammogram office down the street and we were on our way.  

Still nervous, but yet feeling a sense of peace in the back of my mind, we entered into the mammogram office and I got registered for not just a mammogram, but an ultrasound as well.

I have never had a mammogram done, and I really don’t have much to begin with, so I was beyond terrified about being squished.

After we had signed the papers, I ran to the bathroom in the back leaving my husband in the waiting room with my purse.  Once I was done, I felt the need to pray.  Here God? In the bathroom?  Absolutely!  So, I got tons of paper towels, put them on the floor (closest to the door of course) and got on my knees and prayed.  I prayed that God would not let this be cancer.  I prayed that he would give me strength to get through the tests.  I prayed for peace.

Once I opened the door, the nurse was standing there waiting for me.

Off to get squished. (I really think men should have to go through this at some point in their lives.  Just sayin’.)

Once that was done, they put me in a separate waiting room with other ladies who were also getting mammograms done.  We were all sitting there, in our blue gowns, and we just started to talk.  I loved being there with them.  Talking about what they were going through took my mind off my fears.  They were all much older than me, and they were hilarious!  We talked about all of these tests, cancer, being a woman, and God.  I will never forget those ladies and I still wish I would have gotten their names and numbers.  Is it weird to think that they could have been angels?  It was just so strange the feeling of peace I had with them.  I just can’t explain it.

Finally I was called back for my ultrasound.  Of course the sweet lady doing the ultrasound didn’t say much.  She just took pictures of everything.  On her screen I could see the lumps and she reassured me they weren’t nearly as big as they were on her screen.  

Then, back to the waiting room to wait for the doctor to review the screenings.

A few minutes later the ultrasound lady came and got me and led me to the dressing room to change.  

I was scared.  What news was I about to get?  

They’re just cysts.  Nothing to worry about, but you’ll need to come back again in a year.  

At that moment, I cried.  I grabbed the lady and hugged her.  I was so relieved!

I praised God the entire time I changed clothes and held back the tears and the desire to hit my knees in the dressing room.  I knew my husband was out in the waiting room… waiting for me to come back from the bathroom after over an hour.

I could see him through the little window as I was walking towards the door.  I could tell he was nervous, but when I walked out and saw the Styrofoam cup sitting next to him with teeth marks all through it, I knew he had been just as worried as me….or he was really hungry! 

I just looked at him and smiled and told him everything was OK.  I could tell he was just as relieved as me as he jumped up and wrapped me in a big hug.

On the way home that afternoon, I prayed for the ladies I left behind in the waiting room.  My angels.  I prayed they were OK as well and that God would watch over them.

That night we talked about everything and he shared just how nervous he really was.  I had no idea. 

So as I look back on my word of the year… TRUST… I can’t help but think about how God is making sure I get it.  Making sure I TRULY get it.  I’m learning that trust and fear cannot live together in the same place.  You can have one, or the other, but not both.  So each morning, I am going to choose to trust God.  To have faith in Him and his plan for me.  The listen to that still, small voice that needs to be heard above the loud, annoying one.  To align what I hear with God’s word.  Most importantly, I will read Psalm 91 and believe what it says…

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

Much love,

Claire

Claire

My name is Claire and I am behind the blog... The Rustic Pig. I am a wife, a mother to 2 boys, and I just might be addicted to Craigslist. I love to buy antiques, paint them, and give them a chance to be loved again! Please feel free to pull up a chair and stay for a while. If you ask a question or leave a comment, I will be sure to get back to you as soon as possible!

       

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Claire

@therusticpig

Texas gal, wife, mother to 2 boys, author behind the blog The Rustic Pig, business owner, antique lover, and Christ follower!
Have you made one of these yet? I'm totally going to make one! Love this video tutorial!! https://t.co/zqDiFjEE5k - 3 weeks ago
Claire
Claire

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Comments

  1. Have you heard the phrase, “there’s no testimony without the test”? Thank you for sharing your testimony, Claire. You shared so many wonderful truths, what hit me the most is something everyone needs to know, and that is if what you are “hearing” doesn’t line up with God’s Word, then it isn’t from Him. So many people don’t even realize that the enemy is on the attack. I’ve not been there with cancer, but I have with heart attacks. Keeping our eyes on Jesus is what gets us through. So glad you’re good, xo
    Debra@CommonGround recently posted…Be Inspired # 142: Creating a Beautiful LifeMy Profile

  2. Claire thank goodness everything came out okay! I’ve been in your shoes and it is scary. I loved your description of the other ladies as angels because that’s what it felt like. While I was waiting to be taken back to phase 2, the other women were waiting on their results but the computers went down. We all started to joke because someone suggested ordering pizza, another woman said she had wine in her car and then someone suggested a sleep-over. I am so glad that you are fine.

  3. Oh Claire, I am so sorry you had to go through all that anxiety. II am so glad it was just a cyst and nothing more. It is scary, indeed, and it is hard to just give it over to God sometimes, isn’t it? Blessings! xo Diana
    Nana Diana recently posted…Sweet Cheeks And Sisters Meet The MayorMy Profile

  4. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and so happy that its all okay. A few years ago I went through the exact same thing and wound up having to have a biopsy and now I have titanium markers. I was so freaked out that I didn’t go back for another yearly until this year. I have my first appointment to go back in August but I’m staying in the word and not letting Satan win in my head. Thank you for sharing the scripture, its a great one and I’m really, really happy to hear it was only a cyst! Sending you a big ole virtual HUG! 🙂
    Clydia @ Three Mango Seeds recently posted…FAVORITE FURNITURE FRIDAY 5/31/13My Profile

  5. Yes, Trust. Five letters = one big word.

    Bliss
    Bliss recently posted…Chair Back GraphicsMy Profile

  6. Claire, I bet you aren’t the only one that has prayed in that office! Thank goodness it turned out the way it did. I have fibrocystic breasts and have had to do the same thing multiple times. It’s terrifying each time but at least now I know what it probably is when they call me back.
    Stacey recently posted…Getting Ready for FriendsMy Profile

  7. Totally understand where you are coming from. Sept “95” Almost 18 years ago I was told I had Breast Cancer at age 38. Praise the Lord, I am still here. And today, I am doing Breaking Free with Beth Moore. I have fibrocystic breast and have been having mammograms since I was 30. I was blessed with a Dr. who told me since I had fibrocystic breast I needed to have mammograms early, He (DR) and the Lord saved my life. If I had waited till the age of 40 to start having mammograms, it could have been the end, but it was the beginning for many things. Thank You for sharing.
    RoseMary recently posted…Check out Sweet Magnolias Free GiveawayMy Profile

  8. Oh goodness, Claire. What a wonderful testimony! I’m so glad that all is well. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Your experience will touch more people than you know.
    Suzy @ Worthing Court recently posted…House Snooping at The Blissful BeeMy Profile

  9. Sharon Hoham says:

    Another very real message in today’s blog is DO NOT WAIT if you feel a lump. I am so happy you were fortunate and learned so much from the experience. It’s been ten months ago almost to the day when at 67, I felt a lump. Previous years there had been benign cysts and additional mammograms. This was a very different feeling and a LUMP!

    I am in recovery without radiation or chemo, very lucky. Denial was my first response and I stayed with the fear for only one night. We were leaving to take a 4-6 week road trip, I didn’t have time to deal with it! The next day I told my husband and began my plan. I live somewhat remotely off the Colorado River and couldn’t get even the first appt. for a couple weeks. Unbearable, so I went back to CA. This was Aug 4th and on Sept 18th I was at Scripps in La Jolla having a masectomy to remove a fast growing breast cancer. Only someone who has been there really understands all that means and how you must keep stepping up, ask millions of questions, pray, relax, let go of fear, and find a support system. This is serious business and life changing. Today that means it changes your life in many ways, AND you still have a life. Please do not wait to get checked, that would be such an unnecessary tragedy.

  10. Two words comes instantly to mind… Praise Jesus! Claire, I also had this “scare” a few months ago, and I know the exreme relief you went thru upon hearing the words you were going to be okay. I also remember the anxiety of waiting those two weeks for your appointment. I am so happy you are ok, and even more I am happy that you have managed to get your life back on tarck and off your meds. Be happy, beautiful lady. Find happiness in the Lord and all the things you do. xxoo

  11. Wow!! Thank you for these words of encouragement. I appreciate your willingness and courage to talk about Jesus on your blog. It’s so wonderful to have the light of Jesus everywhere, even in the corners(blogs) where you least expect to find him. What an extension of His love and grace. Many have needed to hear what you wrote…most especially the Word of God you quoted. Those are life giving words. And what He will do for one, he will do for another. Thank you!! Glad you are all good!! 🙂

  12. Oh, sweet Claire. I wish so much that I had been one of those prayer warriors for you! I haven’t had the breast cancer scare (although I’m old enough to have been squished several times!) but we’ve been through such dark times with our oldest adopted daughter. At one point she was in a residential treatment facility for sexually abused kids, made false accusations against us and my parents went from their home to the hospital to a nursing home at the same time. I remember that panic so very well, and I needed medication to cope with all the desperation. It was awful. I also have 2 adopted children that suffer from anxiety and depression. I’m so glad you had the courage to share your story. To God be the glory! I’m here if you need a friend 🙂
    Marty Walden recently posted…“What Love is This?”: Simple Gift SundayMy Profile

  13. I had been wondering if you were ok. I’m so sorry to hear of your ordeal! Glad everything came out okay in the end! You’re always in my thoughts and prayers.~~Angela
    Angela recently posted…Plaster of Paris flowers–Nicole’s skirt fix!!My Profile

  14. Oh Claire, I am so thankful and glad you are okay! Praise the Lord! TRUST – that is certainly the perfect word for you. Thinking of you and praying for you, sweet friend!

    Love and hugs!
    Stephanie recently posted…God’s Word Shall Stand ForeverMy Profile

  15. Mary Stone (The Old Elf) says:

    So glad you had the courage to post all your thoughts…those of trust and those of fear. I too am a Christian, and struggling with major chronic depression all my life (I am 73 yrs old). Your post has given me things to think about, especially that “trust and fear” cannot exist together, you choose one or the other. GOD bless you, cover you with HIS hand, may HE place a “hedge of angels” around you to do battle against satan and his minions.

  16. Barbara Ann says:

    God Does Not Give You Anything You Can’t Handle. And this is one of many things in your young life so far. He was with you and He sent your loving husband to you to hold your hand. I had my first lump removed as my Aunt was having her bone marrow transplant for a experimental breast cancer treatment. That was almost 20 years ago. I have been getting checked every year. So far all the lumps have been in my gravy and not my breasts. All the females in my family are at high risk. Both my Mom & my Aunt lost their battles with the demon cancer. But us girls are stong. God sent us great models to follow. Keep getting check ups and hold those you love tight. And HE will take care of everything else!

  17. Debbie H says:

    Make sure you go back yearly. I went every year and this past Dec. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I had the cancer removed, prayed, went through radiation, prayed, and so far I am cancer free. For the next 5 years I have to have a mammogram every 6 months, but, I know God is watching over me. Always get a mammogram and do not let the time get away from you, that is what saved my life, and God. I prayed so much, I told my husband do you think God is getting tired of listening to me? I keep God in my heart and not a day goes by that I do not say thank you.

  18. Trusting is a simple concept, yet one hard to master. Each step gets us closer. Thankful that your health is fine.
    Mrs. Tucker recently posted…Pain’s OpportunityMy Profile

  19. Praise God!! His goodness endures forever!
    Thank you for sharing your story. I too had struggled with anxiety after job loss…my husband and I both lost our jobs at the same moment. You are so right…it is a battlefield in the mind…in fact…by divine providence…my friend wanted to study Joyce Meyer’s book, with that name, shortly thereafter. I am not a fan of JM…but she speaks God’s truth and the book contained tools to help me. Spiritual warfare is something that many of us learn through our trials. Currently I’m undergoing another horrendous trial….but…thank God, I have not experienced anxiety. I could tell you a whole other story about my trust walk. I am grateful for His Word and for my blog to help me stay focused.
    Rejoicing with you Claire. [hugs]
    Diane recently posted…Love Quote by Browning :: Monday Funday Link PartyMy Profile

  20. Been there done that! It was all years ago when I still had small children. When you said “I looked at everything differently.” I completely remember how I felt then too. You do look at everything differently and it sure puts things in perspective doesn’t it? This my dear, may be the blessing that you can hold on to…….what is most important. So glad you are all right. Blessings to you.
    Connie recently posted…Grandparents Say It SaturdayMy Profile

  21. This brought tears to my eyes. Great little story. I can imagine how scared you were! And yes, for the record, Those ladies could have defiantly been angels.

  22. Dear Claire, I am so glad that your news at the doctor was positive. I cannot imagine the fear you must have felt during those days and weeks of uncertainty.

    Thanks you for sharing such a personal story and testimony. I do hope that other women who may be in the same situation will also trust in God and will not let their fear delay them from getting screened and treatment.

    Finally, I do hope that all those angels you met in the mammography waiting room left the office that day with smiles on their faces. Even though you don’t know their names or what became of them, I’ll say a little prayer for them. He’ll know who I mean.
    Atta Girl Amy recently posted…Home{work} Wednesday #3 – Top 3 ProjectsMy Profile

  23. I almost sent you Psalm 91 that morning. I remember the waiting room at the breast surgeon. Seeing the women without hair talk to each other about how they were each going through divorces. It was a scary glimpse into their world, and I’ll never forget it.

    He is my help. He is the one who sustains me.
    Beja @ Howdy Honey recently posted…Reclaimed Wood ChalkboardMy Profile

  24. Claire, so glad everything turned out alright! Fire makes gold purer but it sure does hurt at the time you’re in it! So glad you relied on Father to strengthen you. May God continue to bless you (and me). Thank you for trusting us with your experience.

    Peace (of God),
    Linda at The French Hens Nest

  25. Hi, Claire. I don’t know what took me so long to find this post, because I usually check in every Tuesday, at least. Thank you for sharing your experience, along with all your feelings and spiritual revelations. I wish I had known what was going on with you so I could pray, too. That is the best support we can give each other, not the blog stuff. In reality, the only things that matter in life have to do with our relationship with God and one another, along with the impact we have on others for His Kingdom. With this post, I feel you have enhanced all three! Thank you for bravely sharing your fears (we have them, too) and your faith journey, giving God the glory for everything you are experiencing along this journey. I understand completely about the women in the waiting room and have experienced similar. Those are divine moments that you don’t forget. Gifts from God, His way of sending others along to minister to us in our need. And, those women were ministered by you, as well, I’m sure. I am blessed this day to have read your post and shared in your experience, your commitment to Christ, and your new reliance on Him to Trust in Him. Through your sharing it, I am encouraged in my faith, as well. I pray His continued blessings upon you, my sister in Christ!
    Kim
    Kim @ Curtain Queen recently posted…White Chocolate Bread PuddingMy Profile

  26. I understand what you are going though. Up until I experienced menopause, I went through this a number of times. Even now, I still get these lumps but not as often. You have to get them check out every time, and every time the anxiety is there. Sounds like your faith is carrying you through.

  27. I can understand your anxiety as I was there myself. I’ve had a few health issues over the years and have discovered that we have it in our power to change our health with diet, exercise and alternative medicine. I had fibroids in my breasts which I ultimately had removed. But since then I have learned that breast cancer is caused by excess estrogen or thyroid problems. I take an otc iodine for thyroid and there are products out there that help remove excess estrogen. I haven’t had a fibroid since! It amazes me that when they stopped putting iodine in bread products, breast cancer rates rose significantly. I am not a dr, but hope this helps anyone out there facing this. Good luck to you!

  28. I needed to read this today. I know the post is old and maybe long forgotten…but it has made my scary day a little less so.

    Thank you.

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